Goodbye

Dear Mom,

We had your service on Saturday. It was clear and cold, everyone shivering in bright early December sunlight. But I was not cold, I was warmed by the memory of your love, the thought of your hugs on days when life was too much for me. Your calls to say hello and just to say, "I love you." These things kept me warm.

Jimmy performed your service, as you asked, and it was lovely. He shared that you had contacted him 15 years ago to go to church with him. It made me sad to think that you might not have wanted me to take you to church the last couple of years because I don't go. I would have been happy to attend for you.

I gave your eulogy. I hope I was able to convey to everyone all of the wonderful things about you. I know you could be contrary at times, but you were filled with such love for other people and you had more compassion that anyone I know. I only hope that when I die there is someone who will share my stories the way I tried to share your story.

I miss you always,
Sherri

For Mom:

A number of years ago, after a minor heart surgery, Mom’s surgeon came out to talk my sister and me. He told us that they had done what they could, but that Mom’s condition had progressed to a state where there was nothing else they could do for her. And we should prepare ourselves to say goodbye very soon. Like she had done so many times before, Mom refused to accept that someone else was going to determine her fate and she proved them wrong. We had six more years with her. But that was Mom, she was a scrapper and while we all eventually lose this battle, she went down fighting and at a time that she determined, after she met her newest great-granddaughter.

During the last couple of years as her condition worsened I spoke with a number of friends and co-workers who had parents with similar conditions. They shared the lessons that they each learned along the way and reminded me that no matter how much time you have, how many bonus rounds you may get, it is never enough. They were right. Even though we had what that surgeon would consider extra time, it is not enough. So today we come to say goodbye.

But Mom wouldn’t want me to say goodbye with tears. She would want me to remember the good times, dancing around the living while she shared stories about teaching dance instructors; singing along with the Everly Brothers, Freddie Fender and Patsy Cline. Sharing the stories of the dances at the Division Street Corral and the Grange. And how great Grandpa’s band was, and how much we would have loved to hear the play. How sorry she was that we couldn’t meet him and that he didn’t meet us.

Mom did a lot of great things during her life. She was a wonderful and celebrated volunteer during our grade school years. She opened her heart and her home to people in need, as evidenced by the many extra kids at the dinner table growing up and the number of friends and family that lived with us for a time when the challenges in their lives were too much to manage. Professionally, she was a very accomplished salesman, so much so that I have always said that Mom could sell snow in the frozen North. But the accomplishment of which she was the most proud was her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. We never had a better cheerleader. If you met her on the street, in moments she would find a way to share something about one of us. How smart or successful, how well we cook, how kind we are, in general, how wonderful.

So I will try to share with you the same lessons that she shared with me. Be glad and joyful of the time you have you have with your family and friends. Enjoy each day and be kind and supportive of each other.

Mom’s body may leave behind her four daughters, three granddaughters and six great-grandchildren, but her spirit will continue to live in us. When we stop to help a stranger, do a favor for a friend or call a sister to ask how she is doing, it will be Mom’s spirit reminding us to reach out and help; to stay in touch and never stop loving each other. She would ask me to remind each of you to tell each other every day, how much you love them and how your life is great because your family and friends. As for me, I will ways remember the many ways in which she made my life great.

The Wolverine

Dear Mom,

I watched The Wolverine last night. The whole time I was thinking that you should be watching with me so that you could keep saying, "What are they doing? This doesn't make any sense." I know how much you loved movies but in the last couple of years as the Alzheimer's progressed it was so tough to see you watch a movie and be so confused, but I was always happy to pause the movie and give you a running summary. I think this one would be have been extra confusing though, too many cinema verite style scenes and too many subtitles for you these days.

I enjoyed the film and the from the reviews I read, it sounds like I picked the right way. The extended version. I will watch the theatrical release sometime, but I expect that I will not be as disappointed as some viewers. Hope you are watching something fun with Grandpa and give him a hug for me.

Miss you,
Sherri

The Updated Roku Netflix Interface

Hi Mom,

Things are pretty quiet here today. No company and no online meetings for work. I did read a book by Sarah Morgan that I really liked, Sleigh Bells in the Snow. The main character has some serious family dysfunction and it really helped me to remind me how many great times we had together. In addition to it distraction factor, the book was great. Lots of interesting characters with some obvious sequel bait. :-) You know how much I love that connected stories.

I also watched some TV last night. The new Roku interface for Netflix is growing on me. It is too bad that they didn't roll it out sooner, you would have loved the ability to start watching Mission Impossible and having the show run for three or four episodes before you have to tell it to keep going.

I am taking your necklace to be added to the urn today. I cleaned it so it is shiny and perfect and beautiful. And I ordered my own Webkinz Llama to keep so you will have your llama with you. We are finishing up the arrangements and the service will be on Saturday. Please watch over us.

Miss you,
Sherri

P.S. I am going to get a squirrel feeder for the back yard. I know you loved to watch them run around too, so I will let you know how much they love it.

Royal House of Shadows and a Trip to the Furniture Store

Dear Mom,

I finally read those books you and Angela gave me for my birthday more than 2 years ago, The Royal House of Shadows. I know I said it at the time, but thanks again for the books. I am sure I will read them again when I not so sad and they will be better, but I wanted to read something that would make me feel close to you.

I am doing okay, but planning your service is difficult. I really want to read a poem for you, I know how much you loved poetry. But I am afraid that, once again, I will be unable to speak. You know how much I cry at a funeral and this one is for you so I am not sure I will be able to speak at all.

On a lighter note I went to Ashley Furniture today to try out that new chair I showed you online. They don't have it in stock and I would hate to buy it and find it is uncomfortable. Plus the salesman was a dbag. Maybe I should try and find something else.

I hope you are right and I am wrong and that you are with Grampa now. If so, please tell him I hope to meet him one day. You always spoke so very highly of him and it would be great to meet him too.

Miss you,
Sherri

Driving in the Gorge

Dear Mom,

I couldn't sit around the house today. I decided to do one of the drives we did this summer. Since the mountain roads are all snowy, I drove up the Gorge. You would have loved it. But then again, you always loved our drives, even if we were just driving aimlessly around the county. :-)

There were a few spots along the highway where the view was entirely obscured by fog, but for the most part it was clear. The weather has turned and there was cloud cover ,but the view from Vista House was amazing as always. Kelly went with me today and when we drove around the corner to Vista House, it was like you were right there. I said, "Do you want to get out and look around?" Her answer, "Nope, I just like the drive"

I only cried a couple of times during the trip, so that was better than yesterday. As always, thinking of you.

Love you,
Sherri

You Left

Dear Mom,

When I hurt or need comfort you have always been there for me. You always put your arms around me and I could cry and let go of the pain, but how can I let go of the pain when losing you is the pain? You aren't here to hold me and tell me that things will be okay. How am I going to move through this?

 I keep waiting to wake up, because this is not my life. My life includes you. I get to call you when something great happens and share that news with you. Who am I supposed to call now?

I miss you and I love you and I miss you.

Dreams

Dear Chris,

So I finished the Eloisa James serial (With This Kiss) and I will share my thoughts about it next time, but I have a question. Am I the only person that dreams of tiny cows? The other night I had a dream that I owned little cows (about the size of a small corgi). I would take at least one of them with me in a little cow carrier and they would sit in the passenger seat of the car and moo at dogs and cats on the street.

How weird is that? Does anyone else dream of tiny cows? I was talking to my manager about my dream and he told me to do a Google search for tiny cows and lo and behold, there are tiny cows. But not as tiny as in my dream. I am now somewhat obsessed with the idea of having a tiny cow or two that I can carry around like a small dog. Cows are so calm and placid. I would think a tiny small dog size one would be awesome. What do you think? Tiny cow yes or no?

Oh and if I don't go over this next time, remind me to give you an update on the Kitty Norville series. I just r-read the whole thing finishing with the latest book, Kitty Rocks the House.

Sorry this is so short, but I trying to finish up the new Jane Yellowrock book and didn't want to take to much time away from it. :-)

ttfn

Serial eBooks: With This Kiss by Eloisa James and Falling for Frederick by Cheryl Bolen

Dear Chris,

Thanks for the support. I will try and be a better correspondent, but I am indifferent at best. We will see.

On the topic of being present and the bookclub idea. Well, my habit of just floating along in life, like flotsam has put the bookclub idea on hold. But maybe if I get the energy - we'll see.

So, about the serial novels, I have given two of then a try.  Now since I read ebooks almost exclusively, both are the ebook variety. The first is Falling for Frederick by Cheryl Bolen. It is being told in approximately 9 sections and instead of having to get a new file, you just get an update to the existing "book" on your device. Very convenient. I bought the book when the first part was out and we are now up to section 6. Each new portion (usually a couple of chapters) come out about every two weeks and you get an email from Amazon to let you know the book has been updated. This one is a contemporary and it has a bit of a mystery. I haven't read anything else by Ms. Bolen, although after this is done I will have to try at least one of her books to get a feel for how this fits with her other material, but I am liking it.

Since it has a mystery, we are getting to meet the players a bit at a time. I like the main characters so far (heroine: grad student. Antonia Townley, hero: Earl of  Rockford  and owner of Siddley Hall, Frederick Percy). When our story begins, she is a young american in England working on her graduate degree and he owns the house were she is currently looking for supporting information for her thesis. There is a murder (dun, dun, dunnnn) and Anotonia is the prime suspect. Frederick is convinced of her innocence and wants to ensure her safety. The murder and the mystery ties into her research and there is a priceless antiquity at stake. I have enjoyed the story so far, but only time will tell. Is he really the murderer, setting her up? Or is he really just a fine chap looking out for her? Only time will tell. I have at least another 6 weeks until the story wraps up, but I will keep you posted.

The other serial is by Eloisa James, and you know how much I love her work. This is a story told in three parts, in three consecutive weeks. With this Kiss (Part One, Part Two and Part Three). I haven't checked, but I assume at some point in the future it will be sold as a single title, for now, you need to buy the three pieces separately. This is a part of her Fairy Tales series and our leads in this are the eldest daughter from couple in The Ugly Duchess and the eldest son from couple in Seduced by a Pirate. Part Two was released yesterday and last night I gave into temptation and read both Part One and Part Two. As with most of Ms. James stories, I was entranced. I really like Grace and Colin both and can't wait for their HEA. I am also hoping that we might get a HEA or at least a HFN for Grace's sister Lily.

I could see in the both parts when something emotionally painful was going to occur and my heart broke for Grace. I think in part because my bestie growing up is one of those people to which everyone is drawn. I usually was fading into the wallpaper and could really feel for Grace during these moments. Overall, I am loving this story and can't wait for the finale on Tuesday. But even that comes at a cost for me, since it also the release date of the new Kitty Norville book from the ever entertaining Carrie Vaughn. I suspect I will read Part Three before starting Kitty Rocks the House, since I should be done in under an hour and can then devote myself to Kitty's latest adventure.

Well, I have gone on long enough. In summary I would say my foray into serials has been pretty great so far and I will be looking for new serial stories in the near future. :-)

ttfn

The Beginning?

Dear Chris,

I know I have been a somewhat lackadaisical writer in the past. But I promise to try and do a better job in the future. There is always hope. :-)

Since you are my bestest [fictional] friend in the world (and no one else will listen to me on and on about the books I love, movie and shows I have watched, etc) I want to share what is going on and what I am thinking about with you. Lucky girl, I know.

So what will I share with you, my bestie, today? Hmm. Good question. I can hear you ask yourself, "What boring this is she going to go on about now?" I have been thinking about novels a lot lately.

I read a lot, as you know, and have become enamored with the novel told in epistolary format. I am thinking of you, Rosy Thorton, with your More Than Love Letters. And Rainbow Rowell with Attachments. So in regard to this type of novel, what is it that makes it so great. I mean, I really love romance novels and with More Than Love Letters, we never get to see the couple together. So why do I love it so much? Maybe it is humor. I enjoy the funny and the book certainly has that down. But I don't think that is it. Maybe it is how fully realized the characters seem, even though they are only parts of letters, meeting minutes. emails. But love them I do. Well, and if I am being honest, it might have something to do with the fact that the author is something of a fan of Richard Armitage and I could really see him in  Richard Slater. Or is that see Richard Slater played by him? Either way.

And Attachments... well, the main character is a cute, geeky guy. Who falls in love with a woman via email. I mean really, who among us wouldn't love to know that we are wanted for the person on the inside. That someone knows and understands you and loves you, foibles and all? It is pretty intoxicating when you think of it.

So next time I will tell you about this two serials that I am reading. Great fun!

ttfn